And Now a Word...

Well hell......and goddammit.!!!!

I mean there was a time when I was desperately alone, lonely and depressed about being alone and so lonely....
It truthfully was self fulfilling and cyclical in its composition...
I recognized that I was likely to NEVER know the embrace of a woman whom in the act of completely and wholly giving herself to me in the process of us getting our carpets cleaned.. (if you know what I mean,..heheh )..
I understood that I would likely not have another friend of the caliber of my teen years and those people were hard core dopers and pot smokers....
ALL of my teen friends in my home town have been killed through the use of and addiction to heroin...the original Devil Drug....
At one point I was even considering the old "Left Earl" tactic for getting out of a bad play...or possibly ducking out of an incredible lame party...
I mean my life DID have the aspects of both of those social hells... And so Taking my toys and going..(home??) seemed to be a considerate and tidy solution to the awful feelings I was having...
So ..............
And SO,.........
And SO THEN I DID NOT TRY THAT !!
Instead what I did was find myself involved in a small local non-denominational church group....
It fit my sensibilities and my evolving sense of justice and charitable living...
I found myself being indoctrinated into Christian Fundamentalism and not really disputing ANY of the things I was being assured were not only Gospel, they were in fact NEW WORDS directly FROM GOD !!!!!

I look back on those years with a sort of nostalgia and shuddery self-regret over not having the tools to fight for my mind....
I was of course being played and manipulated from the very beginning by two former Southern Baptist good ol'boys.... Both graduates from college with divinity degrees and both very slick and very ,..very prone to doing whatever the hell they wanted when it came to the church, its members and its assets....
Years later I learned that both of them were routinely forcing the single women in the Sister's Home into various sexual acts and sexually based actions that were being represented at the time as "A Pastor Ministering To One Of His Flock"....

All very David Koresh - like in retrospective ......

I can look back from my viewpoint inside my head and also see that I was making myself follow, believe , espouse, preach, and proselytize as heartily and mightily as any Man Of God.. I was beyond reproach... ..
I was the Golden Boy...the Anointed one...
And I was faking it...even to myself.... As I was utterly convinced that the world was ending in a very short period of time.(months likely and at the most a few years),...I mean the "signs " were all around...
I was of course being played and at the same time I was playing a desperate game of fingernails on cliff-edge . Hanging on for the chance . Betting against the house that I WOULD WIN in the end and "I Would Gain the Reward"...

And sadly,..those two Southern Baptist snake-oil peddlers saw my real motive and posed me the classic two horns dilemma ...............
On the one hand (or horn) I would be cast into the eternal fires of Damnation like all the other sinners, unbelievers , and blasphemers.. during the end time...
IF I WERE TO GIVE IN TO THE DRIVE TO PROCREATE ....outside the sanctity of Marriage.
And on the Other hand (or horn) I would most certainly be punished forever by GOD ALMIGHTY for my stunning lack of "Faith" that the Lord would Provide a Bride to me IF HE SAW FIT... !!

It never mattered anyway since after I and a fellow Pastor ( A Sister and Head of the Single Women's Home) went before the full boars of Pastors in the Body Of the Church in Texas and asked for recognition of our witness in, and permission to follow God's leading of us and allow us to Marry...

I was immediately told "No"!! and Hell NO!!!
And she was actually taken into the main Pastors home for sequestering for two weeks whilst the Pastor "Ministered" to her spirit...
I was also ministered to and told that I was suffering from a Demon that was "clouding" my reasoning... This whole thing was Not in fact anything from the "LORD"..No, it was a directive straight from one of the mouths of HELL...

When I disputed this to the point of arguing it to and finally with and against the full body of Pastors they did what they saw as their ONLY Choice.
They "Expunged" me... from the body...like cutting out a tumor...or removing a gangrenous toe or finger...
I was summarily thrown out of the Body Of Christ and it was done as it were by my own hand.... Especially since I was ( And Remain ) completely unrepentant and implacably determined to marry this girl....
Well They Broke her and rearranged her synapses enough to regain full and compliant control over her. This was apparent to me when I was finally allowed to see her and her First words to me were on the order of how close we had both gotten to being agents of Satan , and HOW FORTUNATE for us that GOD had seen fit to help us...

I was devastated totally and got angry to the point of renouncing all my faith..in front of the Entire Body....

I mean ,..they were going to make me leave anyway...(for my own good, yes of course,..for my own good) it WAS GOD'S WILL after All...

So,...no pussy for me after all the years of celibacy and continuous effort for and to the Ministry...
No SEX Brother...God Say's "Nu-Uh" to you about the nookie...
And see, I did not get my plan to come to fruition I did NOT find the Reward Of Sanctified Marriage and the JOYS of the Hallowed BED...

Well HELL !!!!!

This really was a complete destruction of my world...it was a removal not only of me from them...all my friends in various flocks, all my fellow Brothers in Christ....all the Sisters and the vast array of church children...
THESE WERE MY FAMILY AND MY HEART FELT LOVES....
It was also a Removal Of Them From Me!!
I was strictly speaking....SHUNNED.

Anyway I foundered about for the better part of the following year and finally I joined the Military to get myself trained and skilled at something other preaching...
Especially since that road had been removed from all my maps as it were.

SO...
AND SO...
I GOT A WORLD VIEW....and it was truly a World View since I was allowed to travel (under orders ) halfway around the Globe for my Government...
I learned that My previously held views on religion and Christianity, and the end times were NOT those of the larger part of that "Christian Faith"..
That They were in FACT THE beliefs of a small group of what can only be realistically called, " Nut Bags"...

NOT that I was NOT a Nut Myself...After all the years of forcing that food down my throat I was fairly unpleasant to be around,...I was judgemental of Everybody I encountered, and I was sure that I now possessed the mental acuity and facility to think and speak circles around any Preacher on the planet and indeed took it upon myself as a misguided mission to show their followers that he entire lot of them were shams,...con-0artists,...quackery cures peddler's...

AND I would show them to be the charlatans' that I "KNEW" them to ,in fact be...
AND BETTER STILL! I would EXPOSE THEIR NASTY LITTLE UNDERBELLIES to the entire world and force them to admit to sexual deviance, drug addiction, drunkenness, and generally a complete lack of that Christian Value known as Charity and / or LOVE.

This is I admit the excess of Youth and the too brightly perceived value of one's own worth...
Needless to say I never did accomplish my mission...and I rather think it was no consequence that I did'nt as there was/ is a steady stream of those very faults and criminal behaviors and actions covered up on the part of the Conservative portion of the American Electorate...be they Republican, or Democrat....

Oh yes... AND I DID get laid finally...well and truly and by several different women whom were kind enough to me to share the "Mystery" Of fucking...
And I did Finally Marry One of Them and through Her I helped produce Four New Humans.. People that would NEVER have Existed had it not been for this Woman And Myself playing God as it were.....
And we were pretty good at it.....HEHEHEHEH

It passed!!!!!!!!!!!!..........

Seriously this was a historical bill passing by a narrow margin and villified by so many that I am Certain did not know it's contents...

HISTORY BABY...........

SUCK ON THAT GOP .....

Why has Obama Sold Out The Gay Community????

Well I am not sure that he has done that...I am certain that Any Social Change takes a lot of time...
If you doubt that just ask a black person, or a mexican,...or a gay person.

It looks like the campaign of vitriol and hatred begun by the GOP and Fundamentalists was at least in part successful...
I mean in part successful in how horribly it affected my gay and lesbian friends... I was upset about the comparisons of two same sex people marrying being equal to a woman marrying a dog, etc.,...having said that I must admit that the upset I felt was no where close to the visceral impact it had on the gay community...
And it was successful in that it attacked a section of society and made them feel even more marginalized than before.
I think both sides here have work to do...
And no I do not feel like that assessment is fair to the gay community (I wish fervently that it could be) but I cannot demonize them for their justifiably felt group offense.
I think you guys are going to have to do what you have always done,....try harder than anyone else to show your "Real Value" and simply stop accepting the labels that the jerks on the name calling side have so liberally handed out...
Bullies will not stop bullying simply because they got to you and can easily get to you again thru the same method...
They wont give up trying to make you stand in the corner of the school yard until it begins to look like they are the objects of ridicule rather than yourselves....
Until the effort they are expending on belittling you rebounds and negatively impacts them personally they will simply continue...
You cannot beat them by being the same and you cannot beat them by having laws enacted.
You can only beat them by their own rules but without being bullies yourselves...
Dammit it is not fair...my heart cries for you guys and gals...but the end is not changed by me...
It will have to be changed by you and that will be slower than you want or like and harder than it should have to be...

BUT I am fairly sure it WILL CHANGE....

Screaming about it only portrays you to be the kid in the corner who is too weak to avoid the bully. Thus confirming what the bully is taunting you about...
Everyone I have ever met in the gay community was worth far more than that...
It just looks like the bullies have caused you lose sight of that...
And I hate bullies.....

They were UNPREPARED ???? No WAY !!

I found this on Think Progress...
Obama said he was willing to curb malpractice awards, a move long sought by the Republicans and certain to bring strong opposition from the trial lawyers who fund the Democratic Party.

What, he wanted to know, did the Republicans have to offer in return?

Nothing, it turned out. Republicans were unprepared to make any concessions, if they had any to make.

So now my question is, "What the hell are they bitching about ?? "
Because it looks more and more like they are just going breakneck , head-on, fullspeed, face first into that wall of public opinion concerning this type of behavior.
A wall that they were largely responsible for building..

HMMmmmm... Hoist By Thine Own Petard ???

How Do They Explain Their Own Survey Numbers ???

IT MUST TAKE A MATH MAJOR TO MAKE SENSE OF IT....... !!!
I started in Computer Programming (RPG - RPG II, Cobol, some IBM stuff I cannot remember what it's designation was ) and switched to Psychology and Photography...

I know it is difficult to figure "WHY" or more precisely "what is the benefit being sought" by distorting or simply ignoring facts that one has acquired whilst simultaneously saying, "See ?? I told you it wasn't like that..." When anyone can look at your own facts and obtain a completely different picture...
BUT...that is what the Right and the GOP and those that silently support them do almost all the time...
IF a Datum is inconvenient ,...well then, it must be erroneous and therefore not to be acknowledged.
AND it works if you also go on the attack against your perceived opponent and have many supporters that also attack with the same or near same points... They have been masters at this in the near past...I dunno WTF has happened to them recently...I mean they went from sleek and deadly shark-like efficient hunters and killers...to Clown Shoes with polka-dots and flowers with almost no transition...
Which leads me to conclude that they were fairly clowny beforehand ...I just hadn't noticed...
Notice how they are maneuvering to include Clinton's last two years in the "Recession"...the recession that until my President took office they would not even say existed???
Am I having another alzheimers holiday or was the last two years of Clinton's presidency kinda ...ummm...embattled by those same folks that are blaming Clinton???
Didn't that jerk from my state (the bug killer) Tommy Delay (criminal extraordinary), have some sort of a heyday with Congress and the simple blocking of legislation that likely would have been good for the economy???
Maybe I get the time line confused again...it is hard to keep track when they Right Keeps Changing Reality just when I get used to pigs flying...

AIG STILL PAYING OUT HUGE BONUSES WITH OUR MONEY !!!

It was widely reported today that AIG was going ahead with a bonus arrangement to pay out nearly ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS to Fifty Executives..
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE ????

Oh no you guys...it ain't like that at all....
You're being way too harsh on poor old AIG...
They really had "no Choice"....
See, it is as simpla as this..

They company has many executives under contract...These salaried Managers are working very, very hard and are very talented individuals.
IF AIG had reneged on the contractual agreement to pay these worthies their bounty then they might have left the company and possibly even sued for breach of contract..
And besides, you always want to retain the "Best and Brightest" on your staff and reward them accordingly....it's just good business...
Plus, these were bonuses that were promised well before AIG began having trouble : even months before..
SEE?? NO CHOICE.

I know, I know...you want to remind me that AIG has taken almost 200 billion tax-payer dollars without so much as a ,"Thanks"...
You probably even want to remind me about trips to Scotland to play golf at the most prestigious golf course in the world... Sorta like going to Mecca for Muslims.. AFTER we Bailed them out..
You forget that it Promised Beforehand!!
You might even foolishly point out to me that it was this self same group of ass-clowns that Wrecked the FUCKING COMPANY IN THE FIRST PLACE !!!
And well....you would be right...

So, somebody remind me......WHY WE ARE STILL PAYING THESE FUCKERS !!!!

Because I don't know...

I lost my last job for the crime of disclosing to my boss exactly where the theft in the company was taking place. AND providing proof of same...
Maybe I should have become a thief also... THAT seems to be where the real reward is....
Huh???

Addendum To The Preceding Post

Being of sound mind ( well I think so) and completely heretic in thought I left a Rant here earlier.. I want to stress to any who read it that it was mostly my actual feelings.
The remainder was rant .
I cannot help it. When the subject of "Evangelical" Christianity arises in a discussion it rarely ends with any kind of charitable thoughts.
I quit the faith because I became enlightened; i.e. I acquired a larger view on the world at large.
I am convinced that the average "Fundamentalist" or "Evangelical" identifies themselves as such from a provincial and essentially unrefined world understanding.
Ask most any young "Christian" to explain a simple concept such as "Charity" and they cannot do it. And there is an entire book in the new testament that explains it.
I read a Christian Science Monitor article today about the rise and fall of "Evangelical" influence and I found themes that I wholeheartedly agree with and simultaneously felt discouraged by..
Religion is a nearly universal Human construct. Humans from the most isolated and primitive tribes will be found to have some sort of belief about the unseen and unknowable. Having said that I have to stress that religion is at the heart of many world calamities...
History is rife with accounts of horrible and terrible criminal acts performed by and for and in the name of religion...
I think organized religion is simply incapable of being anything except a human mechanism for dealing with fear and uncertainty.
Yet Modern "Fundamentalism" in any form, Christian, Hebrew, Islamic..whatever..seems to have become more of an enabler of evil than good.
Can't be helped, it is the very nature of repression and repressive indoctrination. Human nature will simply look for and find an avenue to exploit in any restrictive or rigidly controlled behavior set.
WE are too inquisitive and curious to simply accept and comply with what we are told.. For an infinite span of time.
History bears out that whenever we have allowed repression to take complete control, eventually that system collapses in on itself from its on untenable construction.
The weakness of such constructs is always US.
This is WHY the GOP and "Evangelical" coup is failed and disintegrating , because there are people involved and they each have personal thoughts and feelings and agendas... And my personal feelings and agendas will with few exceptions be the interchangeably same as anyone else's. Even (especially EVEN ) my spouse with whom I share more than half my life to date... Because, she is as individual as myself, as George Bush, as Elijah, as, Mary Magdalene, as Stalin, as Abraham Lincoln.
And Now because of a very few individuals we have all this calamitous economic ruin to deal with...Almost completely caused by the greedy, acting under the license and protection of the religious zealots that placed the control of our beloved country in the hands of these criminals..
Thank You Jesus...